Stitches, Saggy Skin, Gray Hair, & Wrinkles

It's been a little over a year since I had my basal cell carcinoma removed and I went for my annual skin check up this last Monday to have two more moles cut out of my flesh and sent away for biopsy. The results are pending and I'll try to remember to follow up and let you know how everything turned out. You being who or is it whom? Anywho... YOU, if you even exist and are reading this. Ok, I know your time is valuable and so is mine so I'll get to the point. I have one stitch on my left forearm which isn't so bad, but the two on my upper left back in my shoulder blade area are giving me quite the itch sensation. Isn't that ironic that the word itch is in stITCH. I called this morning and moved my removal date up a few days so it will be a few days less of itching.

My twin girls are now 6 months old and we are so blessed with such good babies. They are quite the contrast to look at compared to my saggy, stretched skin. I remember half my life ago and before my body conceived a child how small my waist was. With my first pregnancy my stomach area stretched and I never imagined or had ever seen on anyone else the amount of stretch marks I got and I grieved back then for the waist I never seemed to get back. Some of the marks actually seemed like I was clawed by a wild beast on my sides and I didn't mind them so much. They instead were some kind of tribal looking tattoo in my mind to remind me of what my body went through to bare my child. The twins really didn't add many stretch marks to my stomach area, but in others which I won't subject you to reading. With the twins it was more like my body spread wider and they filled in places that still haven't reverted back even though they have now been 6 months out. I mean don't get me wrong I've gained a lot of weight that I didn't have during the first half of my life but now in addition to the stretch marks I have things hanging off me in areas that are like new appendages. I haven't quite come up with something for that like I did with the tattoo for the stretch marks. And while I am comfortable with my size, I'm not comfortable in my skin. I think it is that and wanting to stay healthy to live long with my girls that has contributed to my greater need lately to move around more and get some oxygen into my blood stream in the hopes it will help to lessen this saggy skin.

Do you remember the movie Poltergeist? Remember how the Mom character towards the end had a streak of gray hair? That is what is happening. It is not really all over my head but more sprouting from my right temple. I'm not sure if I should enhance the stripe or strip of gray hair or I should run out and cover it up in an attempt to match the rest... I'm still thinking that over.

For so long people would look at me and think I was so much younger and to be honest in my 30s I still felt like I was in my 20s. But now there are days I see the lines on my forehead, around my mouth, and eyes (more on one side than the other thanks to the tightening of my skin to make up where they removed my old bcc growing birthmark) and I think there is no way someone would mistake me for my 20s now. Some days I even look at my hands and they remind me of my Grandma's hands the way the skin is so dry and lines are too many to count. I hold my babies hands in mine with their soft skin that seems so pure without any lines to be seen with the human eye and I think of all the things they will do with those hands. I'm thankful for all the things I am able to do with mine.

So when I add this all up: Stitches, Saggy Skin, Gray Hair, & Wrinkles along with the impending arrival of my 42nd birthday... I realize that this is the time that some people are having a mid-life crisis, but for me there is a certain calmness that doesn't resemble a crisis. I am so happy to be here and experience life with my family and friends. I am grateful for the opportunity to watch my son play baseball, take the babies for a walk with my husband, to type these letters into words to express myself. This seems like such a personal post in some ways yet in other ways there is so much more to say. Sometimes I think I should have written more down and I read other people's blogs wishing I had the courage to share what they have. So many bloggers have helped me through my own experiences, especially during my twin pregnancy. I don't really know the point of my post exactly... I'm not complaining as much as I'm observing and I'm not unhappy as much as I'm soooo very happy, but maybe that is because I've lived my first half of my life in a way that has given me... Stitches, Saggy Skin, Gray Hair, & Wrinkles.