Today In Appreciation

Yesterday, I was excited to be attending a luncheon with professional women that were launching a new chapter. About thirty minutes after I arrived I wasn't feeling so well. I thought maybe my blood sugar was low so I ordered a glass of apple juice and sipped about a cup of it, but no relief. My lunch came and looked delicious but with each bite I felt nauseated. My right hand didn't feel right, I didn't feel right, I was sweating but even the speaker at the meeting had removed her jacket from the heat. As much as I had looked forward to networking with the other attendees there as soon as the meeting concluded... I had to leave. As I walked to the car I realized that something was wrong with my right arm too. The feeling in my hand traveled up to my bicep that felt like it was being squeezed. It seemed to take everything I had to get in that car seat and I hoped if I blasted the a/c it would cool me down and I would be better. It didn't help. I set the navigation system to guide me home. I just wanted to get home. I called my husband to let him know that I didn't feel well and I actually told him that when I got home I really needed a hug and to go to bed (it was only quarter to one!). I was so focused on getting home and it seemed as though the drive was taking forever and each red light was prolonging my agony instead of bringing me closer. I called my husband again to say that I needed him to stay on the phone with me until I got home. I was in tears, I was confused, I felt like I was having trouble getting words out. It was now clear that something was really wrong with me. Something I had not experienced before. I need help and I can't make it home. I told my husband to have my sister and the girls get in the car with him and come to me and I parked and waited. It felt like forever and I told myself that if I got worse I would call 911. I looked to my left and finally... there they were here. I felt like a clock was ticking, like I had to get the ER NOW! I had no time to kiss my babies I need to get in the passenger seat for my husband to drive. After standing and walking a few steps I realized my right leg was now affected and my calf felt tight like my bicep in my arm. It killed me to look at my babies and hope it wasn't the last time. I love them, I want to hug them, I want to live the clock is ticking I can't stop to comfort them we have to GO. The ride to the ER... I was uncomfortable, too exhausted to even keep my eyes open. I tried so hard to stay as relaxed and calm as I could but what I was feeling was strange to me and that was causing me to be full of anxiety. I tried to stay calm just breathe... I prayed to God to please know that I want to live. I want to live and I love my babies and I love life so much. My husband parked at the ER entrance and got a wheelchair. After blood test, ECG, CT Scan, chest x-ray all I know is that my pulse was elevated, my blood sugar was fine, my heart looks good, my blood pressure was a little high for me but not too bad for them, my carbon dioxide was high, and the CT Scan of my brain was fine. Because I was having a hard time with waves of crying and felt anxiety about not knowing what is wrong with me... they gave me some medicine for anxiety and told me to follow up with my primary care physician for an MRI and other blood test. I went home and I hugged my babies, even my first born 16 year old baby and let them know how happy I was to see them and how much I love them. I thanked God.

Today I was able to get in to see my primary health physician. My leg feels good, but my hand and arm don't and I am still feeling way more tired than I should. It is like my arm got a shot of Novocaine or something... it feels kinda heavy and I have to think to make my hand work right. It is like to my brain I am squeezing as hard with my right and left hand but if your hands were the ones I was squeezing you would think I was just holding your hand with my right and squeezing your hand with my left. After examining me the doctor wants me to start taking aspirin and schedule an appointment with a neurologist because he thinks that I had a T.I.A. which stands for Transient Ischemic Attack. I have lived my life differently today. I have hugged my children and told them I love them. I have eaten well, gotten some sun, and soon I will take a little stroll although until I get a MRI and they figure out what is going on the doc says to wait to do anything more strenuous. It is today that I realize I can't put myself off any longer. It is today that I slowed down the pace. It is today that things are put into perspective. In thanks to God I love life and cherish it with time and in the company of my family and friends. T.I.A. for me stands for today in appreciation.

With so much Love & Desire to Live,
Shirley